I always blog so fucking late that nobody is even awake and won’t probably even say a thing if I have a thought in my mind that I’d like to discuss about. And I have a schoolday tomorrow, darn it..
Anyways, I have just this contant battle in my mind that should I or should I not get some cats (I’d automatically get two if I’d get some). You know, I’m in my twenties and Iive alone and sometimes I have big issues with my loneliness. I just love cats and now there’s not even a cat at mum’s house anymore cause sis took him with her (rightfully cause it was her cat, I’m not saying that, but that cat was once my best and only friend when I was alone and depressed few years back so it felt bad anyhow) so it feels kinda empty without any animal constantly in my life.
Anyhow, the issue is that I’ve had quite.. exotic life for a past few years in good and in bad and that’s why I’m quite a mess nowadays. And often when I get fed up with things in my city, I just buy the next train ticket to god-knows-where cause I have a thing for running away from my problems and stress when it’s too much to handle and also I have a major wanderlust so I just can’t stay still for too long.
So my problem with this is just that now I’m afraid that will I be capable of handling such a responsibility that owning animals means and how will I feel if I just can’t run away when ever I feel like it. I’ve been pondering this thing for months now and I just can’t seem to find any kinda answer, it’s driving me kinda nuts cause I really feel this big need to have animals in my life and as a company but I’ve grown to be very uncertain about myself. In other words, I don’t want to give a bad home to an animal where it won’t get the attention it deserves and I kinda fear that what if the responsibility will feel like a burden because of my current life situations and that’s definitely not what I want. The situation is kinda that I don’t trust myself anymore though I know that I need and want to have animals. And I hate to rely on other people (I have my reasons and issues) so I kinda have this feeling that I actually have no-one that I could ask to take care of those animals for me if I’d be away for a weekend or whatever. And yes, I have friends and my sis and my mum in the same city. But I don’t want to bother anyone.I hate so frickin’ much that I actually feel that I am so alone in a way that I cannot even take animals to be as my companions cause there would be absolutely no-one else but me to ever take care of them. Big part of it is just in my head. But it's been there for years and there are many reasons why it has gotten so much worse over time. The feeling that I have nothing but myself though I know it's not true. Am I being just too harsh to myself?
Niittylilja = lily in a meadow, lilja meaning lily and niitty meaning meadow. Finnish, you see.|
Hey there! I'm Iina, a 19-year old gal from this chilly country which is also known as Finland. I've studied English, Swedish, French and Russian but I'm surely not very good with all of those languages. I'm also slowly trying to study Irish Gaelic whenever I have time for that.
I love such things as nature, animals, tattoos, art, old stories and myths, viking, pagan and celtic stuff. My favourite bands and artists include Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys, Paddy and the Rats, Alestorm, Korpiklaani, Haloo Helsinki, Happoradio and Samuli Putro, just to name a few.
I have five tattoos and more are surely to come. I study to become a metal craftsman and I'll upload jewelry and other school related work in here time to time.
My biggest dreams include visiting Ireland and moving to Lapland at some point of my life. And finding some kind of inner peace to my soul.
» My Tumblr: Fox in the Alley